Ticketing

[John Ashworth]

There's been a lot on the UK websites about ticketing difficulties, particularly booking through tickets to destinations beyond Paris and Brussels via Eurostar. It all reminds me of an old railway shaggy dog story.

It's set in the north east of England in the "old" days. Wor Geordie lives in Shields and wants to travel to India, so he goes to his nearest station and asks for a ticket to Bombay (as it was called in those days). The ticket seller tells him it's not possible to buy a through ticket, but sells him a single to Newcastle, assuring him that at such a big station they'll surely have a ticket to Bombay.

At Newcastle, same thing. The ticket seller there tells him it's not possible to buy a through ticket, but sells him a single to London, assuring him that in the capital city they're bound to have a ticket to Bombay.

In London, same thing. But they sell him a ticket to Paris on the boat train (those were pre-Eurostar days). Same thing in Paris, although there they manage to sell him a ticket all the way to Istanbul on the Orient Express. And so on, and so on. All along the way he can only buy a ticket for one leg of the journey at a time.

Eventually he arrives in Bombay, quickly concludes his business there, then goes to the railway station to buy his ticket home. "Single to Shields", says Wor Geordie. "Certainly sir," comes the reply. "Would that be North Shields or South Shields?"

[Nathan Berelowitz]

Did you know that the class 16E had 6 foot drivers?

But only 4 foot fireman!

[John Ashworth]

Is that a bit like the Aer Lingus flight where the control tower radios the flight deck and asks the pilot for his height and position? "I'm five foot nine and sitting at the front!" comes the reply.

Or the Ryanair flight coming in to a small airport where the pilot is shocked at how short the runway is. However, by dint of superb flying and a really heavy brake application, he stops just before the front wheel goes off the end of the tarmac into the grass. The copilot looks out of the side windows and remarks, "Funny how this runway is 3 kilometres wide!"

And not a single mention of van der Merwe...

[Stefan Andrzejewski]

Reminds me of the German Coast guard on duty one night when a British ferry was sinking. The Captain yelled over the radio his position and shouted ,We are sinking, We are sinking. After a moments silence the German Coast Guard replied. Herr Kapitan wat are you sinking about tonight.

[Kevin Wilson-Smith]

And to top all of those......

Have you heard of the bedbug that was born in the spring?

[John Ashworth]

Oh dear, what have I started...?

The nautical theme of Stefan's reminds me of the US 6th fleet steaming ahead at full speed on a dark and stormy night. The radar picks up a contact far ahead. The Captain of the flagship puts out a call on an open frequency, "Undientified contact in position xxx, this is USS Nimitz, alter course immediately."

The reply comes immediately, "No, you alter course immediately".

The captain replies, "I'm the captain of a nuclear-powered aircraft carrier and I have more than a dozen major warships with me. Alter course immediately."

Same reply. "No, you alter course".

As the contact gets closer, the captain calls the admiral to the bridge. The admiral takes the microphone, "This the US 6th fleet and we're heading straight for you. Alter course immediately."

Same reply. "No, you alter course."

Curious about this stubborn contact, the admiral calls again. "I'm the admiral of the US 6th fleet aboard the USS Nimitz. Identify yourself."

"I'm a lighthouse! Alter course immediately."

[Stefan Andrzejewski]

Typical American!